I don’t know how much longer I can hold back saying I love you to David. It will be our year anniversary in a little over a month, and I have felt like this since three months in.
There was this one time, I think probably four months in, and we were being silly and fake-arguing, and he said he hated me, so I said, “fine, if you hate me, I’ll just go out in the living room…” and when I walked away, he said, “wait! No! I love you, come back!” And I thought, wait what? And I wanted to say, “did you just say you love me?!” But I didn’t want to make it awkward if he didn’t mean it, so I just laughed and jumped back in bed with him.
I don’t know if he was trying to say it then, and since I didn’t say anything back, he just never tried to say it again… I have no idea.
Early in our relationship, we talked about the L-word and how many times we said/meant it. I told him that I had told two boyfriends, but meant it with one…he said he had told four girlfriends, but only meant it with his first girlfriend, and the one before me.
I’m nervous to say it first because I don’t want him to say it back and not mean it (gah, tearing up). He always talks about how much he cares for me, and he makes me feel so special and important. And when he took me to spend a week with his family that’s out of state, I remember asking how many girls he’s brought home and he said only two because the others weren’t very serious. That made me happy knowing that he views us as serious :)
This sounds more conceited than I mean for it to, but I feel like at this point, I feel like how can he not love me? It’s been a year and neither of us are going anywhere, and we’re talking a lot about our upcoming anniversary, and he does so much for me and is constantly so thoughtful and patient and wonderful.
I just am so freaking nervous to tell him that I’m in love with him. I’d hate for him to not say anything, but then I guess at least I would know…
That’s heartbreaking to even think about.
Gah! Boys will never know what they do to us.